


In between

by orphan_account



Series: Afternoon [2]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Friendship, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-02 14:28:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6569896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2018 - 2022</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. March 2018

Cara Delevingne was the only person Jiyong ever opened up to about him and Seungri, even if it was only the slightest. The next few people who knew realized it on their own. Though it was quite a surprise that it took Youngbae a whole year, after they’d returned from the Maldives, Jiyong was glad he never had to voice what had happened between himself and their youngest.

In the studio, March 2018, Youngbae had seemed tense all morning and it had bothered Jiyong more than it should, because it was already uncharacteristically hard for them to come up with a decent hook for the song they were working on.  
   So when Jiyong had returned from a quick trip to the vending machine, getting himself an energy drink, he hadn’t known whether to be surprised or not finding Youngbae looking through his phone. He had been mad though, yelled a bit because this was Jiyong private cellphone - Youngbae had no right looking at it without his permission.  
   Taking said phone from his best friend’s hand however, the words he was about to voice died in his throat. Because what Youngbae had been looking at were old photos. Photos from a year ago. Photos of Seungri.

“How come, after visiting beautiful countries for a month, you only have photos of Seungri?”, Youngbae had asked, and Jiyong had looked up from his phone only to avoid the eyes of the other. The last photo Youngbae must have seen was the one Jiyong had snapped of his magnae, asleep on their shared bed, naked under the covers, torso exposed as well as the one love bite Jiyong had left on his chest only moments before.  
   As Jiyong had become quite good at, he ignored the painful throb of his own heart. Not knowing what to say, he’d just sat down and turned his phone off.

“You need to delete those photos off your phone, you know that right?”, and yes. Jiyong knew. Had known for a year, but hadn’t been able to actually do it. It had felt so nice, the first few weeks - maybe even months - after, being able to scroll through them and remember. Remember how it’d felt being just the two of them all alone in the world, like those Parisian ladies had seemed to be.  
   “Jiyong!”, Youngbae’s voice was harsh, and Jiyong had flinched.

“I can’t”, Jiyong’d whispered.

“If you love him, you will”, was the answer he’d gotten.


	2. July 2018

Preparing for their 2018 comeback had been a bit chaotic. In the unbearable heat of late July, the studio had felt suffocating and on top of that, Seungri’d just been flown in from America the same day as he had to come in for recording. This had meant that his voice had been quite hoarse from the dry air on the plane.  
   The magnae had obviously become more and more frustrated with himself, as he’d stood there in the booth and Jiyong felt bad every time he had him redo something. But work was work, so he had to do it, even if he really didn’t want to.

“I’ll go fetch you some water, Seungri-yah”, Youngbae had said, clearly tired and frustrated, but nonetheless got up and left the room.  
   Seungri’d let out a long sigh, sliding down onto the floor in the booth. Being all alone in the studio Jiyong felt lost for words, because not being able to remember the last time they’d actually had time alone scared him.

“I miss you”, the voice coming from Seungri was hard to hear, because of the isolation. The mic only barely picked up his voice, as he was sitting on the floor. Jiyong immediately got up from where he’d been sitting, suddenly desperate to be with his magnae, even if they could only have a short moment together.

Sliding down on the floor next to Seungri, and having said person lean his head on Jiyong’s shoulder as soon as he could, was what did it. Not thinking, he put his arms around his magnae, shifting them around so the younger was nearly in his lap. Jiyong felt, in that moment, exactly how much he was longing for that kind of closeness. How much he’d missed feeling Seungri pressed against him like that, how much he’d craved the scent of him.  
   They’d sat there, in each other’s arms, determined to make the moment last for as long as possible. Eyes closed, Jiyong’d traced patterns where his hand held on to the other man’s arm.

“I miss you too,” and he’d buried his nose in Seungri’s hair, breathing in deep.

“Hyung…”

“It’s alright, Youngbae knows”, though he’d rather avoid Youngbae walking in on them like that, Jiyong couldn’t bring himself to care enough to let go when he finally had Seungri like this. To himself. He felt his magnae relax more in his arms at his reassurance, and hadn’t been able to keep a small smile from stretching on his face.  
   In that very moment, Seungri’d never felt more fragile in his arms.

“I hate every moment you’re not with me, hyung.”

It seemed as though Jiyong’d taught himself to live with the fact that he’d have to wait a while until he’d finally be able to be with his magnae again, whilst the younger man was crumbling beneath Jiyong’s fingers. It was like their roles had switched completely - Jiyong acting strong with Seungri drowning in his own hopelessness next to him.

The door had opened in that very moment, Youngbae clearly having taken his time to get the water, and Seungri immediately tried to move away. Jiyong only held on stronger than ever.


	3. August 2018

He’d taken the plunge, and spontaneously gifted Seungri an apartment on his own birthday. With only a few weeks left until he’d had to go away for his mandatory military service, his mind must have had a slight meltdown. His magnae had definitely checked his temperature, as soon as Jiyong had taken off the blindfold he’d covered Seungri’s eyes with to make it even more of a surprise.

“You must be absolutely crazy, hyung”, but the fingers Seungri’d affectionately traced Jiyong’s face with assured him that he at least hadn’t gone completely overboard, “I already live in a fancy apartment like this?”

“Well.. It’s not just yours”, Jiyong’d spoken the words shyly and his magnae had completely frozen in front of him.

“It’s ours?”, he’d whispered eyes wide.

Jiyong had only nodded, watching the sunniest smile grow on the other man’s face.


	4. September 2019

Jiyong being Jiyong only ever got a few acquaintances whilst serving. Because he’d always been shy and because of who he was, he’d ended up feeling quite lonely the first few months. It also didn’t help that almost all the other men were at least five years younger than him. He’d missed his job so terribly, he’d spiraled into the darker corners of his mind and had retorted to songwriting whenever he had time, which meant he missed out on meals and whatever other social activities he was invited to.  
   Seunghyun who had just finished his own service, seemed very worried for Jiyong who had tried to assure his hyung that he’d be fine. This message hadn’t seemed to get through that thick skull of Seunghyun’s, so as soon as Jiyong had had a day off he’d taken, or more like forced, him out for a meal.

“Hey, you’ve served a year already, the last will only feel half as long!”, the older man had tried to cheer Jiyong up, but Jiyong’d only let out a long sigh, “listen to hyung, okay?”, and he’d retorted to at least nodding at what Seunghyun said.

“I met someone”, those words had immediately had Jiyong’s attention, however, and his expression must have been quite amusing seeing as how Seunghyun had chuckled at him, “she’s someone I didn’t think possible of ever meeting”, the way Seunghyun voiced this made Jiyong smile for the first time that night.  
   “I’m glad”, he’d retorted to answering watching his hyung nodding.  
“Yeah, me too.”

His hyung’s confession had awakened something in Jiyong, which as the night proceeded felt like a bigger and bigger itch in the back of his mind, that he at last had no control of blurting it out: “I found someone too, hyung”, and Seunghyun had looked confused, because how in the world was it possible for Jiyong to meet someone whilst having served for a year?  
   “Do I know her?”, but Jiyong stayed silent because what was he to answer? It had felt like deja vu when he’d uttered his answer, suddenly feeling very self-conscious despite it being Seunghyun in front of him: “it’s not…”, deep breath, “it’s not really a her, hyung.”  
   What irony that him coming out to his hyung, had been of the very same words of Seungri’s. Despite that night in December being years ago then, it had felt like yesterday - felt like Jiyong had actually been Seungri in that very moment. It had made his heart ache, but also throb with affection for his magnae.

“Is.. he?”, Seunghyun tested the word out on his tongue, “is he serving with you, then? I know I don’t have to tell you to be careful, then, but I will nonetheless so.. be careful okay Jiyong-ah?”, but Jiyong had only shaken his head.

“He’s not.. It doesn’t matter who he is, hyung. It’s only that he makes me happy”, and to that his hyung had nodded, thoughtful expression still on his face, but obviously respecting Jiyong’s choice of not sharing the identity of Seungri. It had helped to lighten Jiyong’s heart.

 

He’d received a text message from Seunghyun a few days after, saying he’d run into Kiko at some event and that she’d mentioned Jiyong buying their magnae a penthouse apartment, as well as him having put two and two together and that he would have appreciated Jiyong telling him, but having understood his choice not to.

Receiving his hyung’s support the future of himself and his magnae had never seemed brighter.


	5. January 2020

“Holy fuck, hyung, please fuck me like this”, having Seungri whimpering beneath him like that, had had him hard and leaking in his underwear immediately. The younger had ripped his shirt off almost the very moment Jiyong’d stepped into their apartment, “fuck, look at you”, his magnae’s fingers were almost clawing at Jiyong’s abs.  
   They’d only just made it to the couch, before Seungri had pulled Jiyong down on top of him. Jiyong loved the way Seungri eyed him up, like he’d maybe want to eat him right in that moment. And well.. Jiyong guessed military service had its perks coming in form of the shape his body had taken during his first year and a half.

So Jiyong had pulled off both their underwear, sliding their sensitive cocks together whilst having his hair gripped harshly by his magnae.  
   “I don’t need prep, hyung, I already took care of myself”, that had Jiyong moaning loudly. The fact that Seungri had actually planned on this happening, had been fingering himself only moments before, turned Jiyong on beyond comprehension.

Because usually when Jiyong came to visit, they didn’t actually have much sex. Time always felt too precious, since they never had more than a few hours a month, seeing as the public would definitely catch on to them if all Jiyong ever did on his days off was visit his magnae.

Sometimes though, Jiyong liked to take his time to slowly finger Seungri open. He loved to see the younger man writhe in pleasure as soon as Jiyong’s fingers nudged his prostate, loved the feeling of him clenching around his digits, the desperation on his flushed face as he’d heave forward for more.  
   In that period of time - well into the second year Jiyong served the military - Seungri had apparently decided to reveal a whole new of himself, because he’d suddenly started begging for Jiyong to take control - he’d become extremely submissive, like Jiyong had been told Seungri usually was when he was with other men. And Jiyong would definitely be lying if he’d said he didn’t love it.

There would still be days when they’d have sex lovingly and gently - properly making love to each other.

But other days were like this, though, when either Seungri or Jiyong would be too desperate for any of them to think straight.  
   And when either of them had fucked the other good, Jiyong would find himself covered in love bites as he’d return back on base. The men who served with him always wanted to know which girl group member he’d been with this time, and Jiyong always liked to imagine their reactions if he ever were to be honest and tell them how he’d actually been riding his magnae’s cock only hours earlier.

Easily entering Seungri had had Jiyong panting as if he’d already fucked his dongsaeng for a good ten minutes. The man beneath him looked so sinfully delicious, oversized v-neck slipping off one shoulder, exposing his ever-growing muscles.

“How do you want me, hyung?”, the question had immediately had Jiyong shifting them around, so Seungri was on all fours with his hyung pounding into him from behind. From this ankle Jiyong was able to push up his magnae’s t-shirt, finally allowing him the god worthy view of Seungri’s toned back. Pulling hard at the younger’s, now black, hair, forced his head backwards so Jiyong was able to attach their lips and kiss him deep and dirty.  
   And when he’d come, Jiyong’d bit hard onto his dongsaeng’s shoulder, almost drawing blood as a reminder until next time they’d get to see each other again.

He had snapped a photo of the mark, when they’d come down from their high. If posting it on Instagram was a bit too risky he definitely didn’t care.

And knowing nobody had any proof that the two would be linked, he’d also posted a photo of Seungri’s hand holding a pair of chopsticks as they’d eaten dinner later that evening, attaching the panda emoji for good measure. Leaning back whilst reading the thousands of comments their fans and shippers posted - watching them go crazy for Nyongtory but not having any solid proof - always gave the both of them the wildest adrenaline rush, made them feel like together they could maybe concour the world.


	6. December 2020

They had hit their first rough patch a few months after Jiyong’d returned and Seungri’d started his own military service. Being such a free spirit Jiyong hadn’t found himself surprised when Seungri’d easily made new friends. Unable to identify with how his magnae felt about his service, Jiyong’d isolated himself yet again - like he’d used to do when he was a few years younger - which had in turn angered Seungri. Because Jiyong had not shown up in their apartment, like the younger had asked him to, one weekend when Seungri was allowed to leave.  
   Still having no actual definition to their relationship, Jiyong had retorted to completely ignoring his magnae, feelings of frustration completely overshadowing his usual feelings of wanting to kiss the ground Seungri walked on.

It was well into December, not having spoken to the other man for around a month, that Jiyong had decided to finally leave the studio and get absolutely pissed in Gangnam. He’d met up with Youngbae who, of course, detected that something was definitely off, but never said anything. This Jiyong had been grateful for, because it wasn’t really the end of the world - he’d gone longer without his magnae.

The thing was, that Jiyong thought Seungri’d know him well enough by now to be somewhat used to Jiyong disappearing from time to time. That was something which would never change. Being the private person he was, Jiyong sometimes needed time away from everyone and everything, and it had frightened him discovering that his magnae thought that would change because the two of them had somewhat given into their feelings for each other - decided to continue what should have stopped almost four years ago.

“It’s like he doesn’t realize that just because the two of us have changed the world around us hasn’t”, he’d slurred to Youngbae after having downed a good ten shots. His friend across him had looked somewhat uncomfortable, not being used to that new side to Jiyong.

“I guess it’s you who doesn’t realize that he’s waited for whatever the two of you are his whole life, basically, Jiyong-ah”, and he’d fallen silent at Youngbae’s words, not having expected him to take Seungri’s side, “he’s trying to balance his current life with the one he left behind with you.. You can’t just abandon him like that, first chance you get.”

“You know I don’t do it on purpose”, but Jiyong had known that was an old excuse as soon as it’d left his mouth, “I don’t owe him anything.”

“Are you stupid? Listen to yourself, man”, Youngbae had looked angry then, “you owe him the freaking world. He waited for you for the two whole years we served, so don’t go disappearing on him now when he needs you most!”, why did his friend have to make so much sense? Jiyong felt like such an idiot, dragging Seungri into this relationship - whatever kind that was between them - and then abandoning it first chance he got.

“I.. I love him, I really do…”, he wanted to say more, but his voice had faltered. There was never any doubt that he loved his magnae, that he was still the only one for Jiyong. But not having been able to see the other man whenever he wanted for two whole years had been so hard, too hard, and knowing that they still had two years to go before Seungri would come back was an unbearable thought.

“I know you do, okay? That’s why I’m angry with you for letting him down.”


	7. January 2021

He knew Seungri’d started seeing someone else, when he’d been spotted eating at a café with one of the men he’d served with. It had been the exact same feeling returning to Jiyong’s gut as back when he’d first seen photos of Seungri and Sejun. This new guy was obviously younger than Seungri’s then 31 years of age, but at the same time looked older than he probably were. He’d been even more toned than Sejun - obviously bigger than Jiyong ever was - was around the same height as Seunghyun, if not taller, and looked very masculine overall in his obligatory buzzcut.

It really shouldn’t have bothered Jiyong as much as it did - they weren’t exclusive and never had been. Jiyong himself had always been the one to chase after Seungri, not the other way around and they’d never discussed whether or not either of them would be okay if the other ever were to have sex and/or see someone else.  
   So Jiyong really had had no right to feel the way he did. He was pissed off, not necessarily at his magnae, but the world in general. As he’d tried to sleep hours after he’d randomly spotted the photos in the tabloids, very specific scenarios had completely occupied his mind. Scenarios of that new guy hovering over Seungri, dominating him, Seungri lovely and pliant and begging for it the way Jiyong knew he loved it.

 

“You better watch your back”, he hadn’t meant for it to sound like a threat and for a while all Seungri did was breathe through the phone.

“What do you mean watch my back, hyung?”, his voice had been slightly unclear, but Jiyong had easily detected the quiver to it, even if he couldn’t actually see Seungri.

“I mean I hope he won’t go tell on you after he’s had you bounce on his cock for half an hour”, there was no stopping it now. Having gone a week, getting more and more bitter, the words were flowing freely.

“You don’t own me, hyung”, was the only reply he’d gotten.

 

‘All I ever do is love you though’, he’d texted his magnae the day after.

‘I know’, it’d broken Jiyong’s heart how even the reply was so short, ‘He fucked me once, but I thought of you the whole time.’  
   That had had Jiyong’s heart beating faster.

He’d then received one last text: ‘I love you too, hyung.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're nearing the end of this little series, and I have good news! I have decided to do a proper sequel to Afternoon which will take place from 2022 and on. I hope you'll enjoy the last two chapters of In Between, in the meanwhile.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos x


	8. January 2021 - November 2022

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it guys. Please look out for the sequel which I'll start working on soon x
> 
> Also I hope you haven't found this series too hectic/dramatic/unrealistic - it stretches from 2018 till 2022, so it's all the most important events that happened during those four years. It was actually quite hard for me to write these chapters as drabbles and not one shots haha, so many things I would have loved to include!
> 
> Anyways please enjoy this last little drabble xx

Loving a person so strongly that one can’t remember what their life was like before said person stepped into it, was never something Jiyong ever thought he’d experience so early on in life. Though he’d been 28 when he’d fallen completely head over heels in love with his magnae, he hadn’t expected ever finding a person like that during his career as an idol. He’d expected turning 35 and finding himself to be too old to continue said idol-life, then maybe think about finding himself a woman to spend the rest of his life with.

It had all seemed so simple, when he’d been 20. Heck it’d even seemed simple when he’d been 27. But as he were to discover and realize so many times, especially during the first five years of their ever so undefined relationship, there was no way in hell he could ever make it work with Seungri the way he wanted, as long as he was such a public figure in the industry.

 

_“I think we need to put this, us, on hold properly this time around, okay?”, Seungri had probably only nodded, seeing as Jiyong got no answer. He imagined the younger man holding back tears and Jiyong had wished with all that he was, that he could be there to hold his magnae tight._

 

So regretting having broken it off between them, leaving Seungri in military service, it had never taken much for Jiyong to express his desire to retire from Big Bang in mid 2022. It hadn’t been a shock to any of them, all being on just about the same page.  
   Feeling so torn down by society and their rules which Jiyong had always loathed with a passion, he’d allowed himself nothing but time. He’d spent a month healing from the toxic world he’d lived and breathed in for years - he’d locked himself away in his and Seungri’s apartment, breathing the air of _them_ ;

and breathing the air of the last string of hope he’d ever allow himself regarding building an actual future with the man who would, at least, always be his baby magnae.


End file.
